I was with my ex for 14 years, 10 of them married until my divorce was finalized in 2012. It was a tough road but I am definitely on the other side and much happier. While going through a terrible time, it’s the little things that bring a few smiles your way. Here are some things that helped get me through my dark days.
The Songs
There are times I enjoy a few tears and some good wallowing. But for the most part, post split I turned up the volume to empowerment. While each and every word of these songs is worth sharing, here are my three favorite lines from three of my favorite songs that got me through the tough times:
Shake It Out by Florence + The Machine: “And it’s hard to dance with the devil on your back. So shake him off, oh woah.”
F**k You by Cee Lo Green: “And although there’s pain in my chest I still wish you the best with a F**k you.”
Since You’ve Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson: “But since you’ve been gone I can breathe for the first time. I’m so moving on, yeah yeah, thanks to you now I get what I want, since you’ve been gone.”
The Books
I go through phases of reading voraciously and not at all. For a year during my divorce I took a break from contemporary adult fiction and took a detour through YA. I devoured the Twilight and The Hunger Games series. Dreaming of a handsome, sparkly vampire coming to whisk my teenage insecure self away was a welcome break from the real break-up in my life. Following Katniss’s badassery page after page gave me a little of the “can do” swagger I needed. Highbrow? No. Valuable and entertaining? Yes!
The Quote
“The Only Way To Get Through It Is To Go Through It.”
I don’t remember where I found this but it has really stuck. It reminds me that there are no shortcuts and when dealing with a tough situation it’s best to get on with it because that’s the only way to the other side.
The Activities
I’ve always been fairly active but was usually focused on the well being of my body, not my mind. After my divorce I found two activities that helped my psyche as well as my frame. Newly separated, with my kids away with their dad for July 4th weekend I was alone and aimless. I went to a local yoga studio for a class. I wound up going every day over the four-day weekend and have continued practicing several times a week since that first weekend. That was 6 years ago. Yoga has had a profound effect on my life. Being present for one hour of my day, focusing on my breath and asana helps me long after I leave my mat. The teachings and lessons offered by my teachers often relate in some way to something I am going through. No matter what, I always feel better leaving class than when I walked in. The other activity that’s really gotten me through my divorce, spinning, is almost opposite to the experience of a yoga class. It’s loud, competitive, challenging and motivating. Whereas yoga is quiet, reflective and not pushing past where you should be, spinning is a time to rock out, listen to great music and forget everything for 45 minutes.
The Splurge
I had not been gifted with jewelry in my 14-year relationship with my ex. On the first Valentines Day after my divorce, (which fell 14 days after getting my final divorce decree) I went to the mall and splurged. A huge, gigantic, extravagant splurge. I went to Cartier and gifted myself their classic “Love” bracelet. Everyday I look down at my wrist at the superficial ”love” I gave myself and am reminded of the real love I’ve given myself. The superficial bracelet offers much depth in meaning.
TV Show
I watched “Friday Night Lights” with my ex as it originally aired and watched the entire series over after my divorce. I bought the DVD set and stayed up night after night watching too many episodes only to wake bleary eyed in morning and have to hustle to get my kids to school. I love the Taylors marriage, Coach Taylor’s coaching, teen angst and the coming of age stories. It had me wishing I were a part of the Dillon community and whispering “Texas Forever.”