Divorced Not Dead
Question:
Now that I’m divorced, my friends have taken me off their call lists. They only include me in girl’s nights, which are fun, but the energy is different than a night with couples. I miss the normalcy of those Saturday nights and I miss the husbands too. I wish when they make their plans they’d remember that I’m divorced, not dead! If I bring this up will it just make everyone more uncomfortable?
Answer:
This totally sucks. 50% of marriages end in divorce but the first few to rock a social circle throw everyone for a loop. Your friends think you’ll feel uncomfortable being the single wheel to their group of doubles so you get knocked off the social calendar. First, talk to your closest girls and let them know you’d rather be a 5th wheel than face another night home alone. Notice how I said 5th wheel and not 3rd? If you go out with only one couple the lone male could wind up the 3rd wheel and that will be the final nail in your social coffin. Being the single in a group of several couples will alleviate that pitfall. The onus is also on you to be proactive. On Wednesday text your group, find out who is doing what over the weekend and ask to join where appropriate. Inviting yourself will knock your ego around but if they’re really your friends, it’s likely they just didn’t ask their new (and not sure what to do with) single friend rather than actually not wanting you to join. You could also create your own plans-throw a cocktail party at home! Invite couples as well as any singles you know. Show everyone that you are ok hanging in a group of happily betrothed even when you’re on your own. Good Luck!
Partying With My Ex?
Question:
My newly separated ex and I are still being invited to the same parties. I don’t want to socialize with him but also don’t want to stay home to avoid him or make our friends choose sides, what can I do?
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