I was the first in my group to get divorced and in this case, there was no trophy and no prize for placing ahead of the pack. Surprisingly, there is a steep learning curve when you introduce divorce into a group of married people. Not only was I learning to be without a partner and my kids all the time, friends were at a loss for what to say to me or what to do with me.
First, I wish my friends knew what shared custody is like. It’s a life of all or nothing. Half of my time I’m with my kids–all alone. So when friends make a fuss over their husbands going away for a guys’ weekend, I wonder if they have ever considered what it’s like for that to be a permanent state.
I’d want them to think about never having help physically or emotionally. For example, my ex and I discuss the kids’ schedules but we rarely talk about our kid’s physical and social development and needs together. The things that my friends worry about – that they discuss at night with their spouses after the kids go to bed – these are things that I worry about all night long, on my own.